When was the last time you truly let go?

There are times when we find ourselves staring off into space, wondering about everything and nothing at the same time. One moment we're busy getting along with our lives, then the next our eyes go out of focus, our breathing slows, and we become blissfully unaware of our immediate situation.

While this usually happens when we're in a relatively blue mood, the specific reason for it differs among instances and people. Rarely is zoning out a conscious choice, though. After all, how deliberate an action can something like daydreaming be?

Of late, I've had reasons to be quiet and sentimental. I've been having an okay run of things in general, but I have certain concerns that don't exactly fill me with a sense of gladness. It's gotten to the point that it's almost funny how frequently I shift these days from smiling and perky to serious and solitary.

Looking at the feelings I experience in my moments of sudden quiet, I realize that much of my melancholia stems from how I feel about things that I can do nothing about. I haven't quite come to terms with the distress I feel over them, and with the fact that as much as I'd like to do something to fix things, circumstances dictate that there's nothing left for me to do but to let things be.

The greatest challenge that comes when dealing with a problem or a need is not in the effort of finding a solution. It's in facing what comes afterwards, be it success, failure, or a shade of gray in between. It gets worse when it isn't even a question of winning or losing, but a matter of simply finding a way to work things out.

We all try our best to take care of the things that are important to us. It's to be expected that the more we care about something or someone, the harder we try. We don't just let things slide -- we do everything within our power for what we value. That's why we hurt so much when our attempts are met with disappointment.

Part of the healing process comes in the form of being wistful. In an earlier issue, I mentioned the virtue of relaxing, of focusing on just being. Zoning out is your subconscious forcing you to unclench your fists so that you can learn to understand and accept.

I haven't found the peace of mind I need; I haven't accepted things as they are just yet. I'd like to think that I will, though, sooner or later.

Let go. Things will be okay.

[First published by Perspective, DLSU - College of St. Benilde]