Cubicle Composting Guidelines
by Ruby Bayan
From: Vice President for Internal Affairs
Re: Cubicle Composting Guidelines
Attention: All Employees
It has come to my attention that not everyone is clear about the company's new "Cubicle Composting Program." In fact, a number of questions and concerns have reached my desk. I will attempt to address these and thereafter expect everyone to be on the same page regarding our composting efforts.
First of all, as mentioned in the initial announcement, the Cubicle Composting Program is our company's own active participation in the worldwide effort to recycle and convert organic wastes into humus-like soil conditioners. It has been determined that the volume of organic wastes being generated within our office premises is enough to fertilize all our indoor plants on an ongoing basis.
And to clarify the concerns, quell the rumors, and answer the nagging questions, here again are the guidelines:
- Each department has been designated its own compost bin -- no sharing.
- Only the following bio-degradable items can be placed into the compost bins, following the layering order of dry/brown then wet/green:
- fallen, dry leaves (from the indoor plants)
- shredded documents/newsprint/cardboard
- used paper products (tissue, napkins, towels)
- dust and dirt from the vacuum cleaner bags
- grit from the door mats
- banana peel, apple core, other fruits and vegetables
- leftover snacks and foodstuff
- Do not attempt to compost non-biodegradable material like plastic bags, used pens, broken mugs, or defective electronic equipment (calculators, radios, cell phones, computers, etc.). Please note that your Ex's picture frame does not fall under our composting program's definition of organic waste.
- Bringing in food scraps from your respective residences is NOT ALLOWED. Please initiate your own residential compost pits.
- Inasmuch as composting is an aerobic biological process, the compost bin must be aerated regularly. Therefore, a Cubicle Compost Program Coordinator has been designated in each department. His/her job is to stir and mix the contents of the compost bin at least once a week. Compost aeration pitch forks have been distributed to all the departments.
- If the layering order stated above (cover the wet/green with dry/brown), is strictly followed, there should be no reason for compost bins to give off foul odor, attract rodents, or hatch fruit flies.
I expect everyone's wholehearted cooperation in our Cubicle Composting Program. If there are other concerns, please feel free to get in touch with the Cubicle Compost Program Coordinator of this office, my assistant, Mrs. Greene. Thank you.
[First published by Windowbox.com.]